Tag Archive | health

Tribe of Joseph vs. Tribe of Benjamin

Apparently  I have a crush and am decided by no accident between two guys – Joseph and Benjamin, which led me directly to this Scripture. —–Genesis 35:24 – The sons of Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin.  A couple of the guy crushes I had were named Benny, and now they are preoccupied with other things, but now that I am narrowing down my search as Bachelorette of America, I am down to Joseph and Benjamin, which moves me to find out everything I can about the Tribe of Joseph and the Tribe of Benjamin.  Philipp Daniels who wrote a fascinating book on transformation and God’s promises, which I must confess I didn’t go through the whole thing because I didn’t agree that you necessarily, have to do your quiet time, – “first thing in the morning.”, but that book has a great anointing on it and you can find it on the Sid Roth show, but I have to admit that Sid Roth is wrong on a couple of things, that God is not going to hold you in judgment for being yourself, yes there are things that you can do that are bad, but those people probably even wouldn’t be reading this post.  Let God be the Judge, I am not getting in the middle.  Anyway, back to the tribe of Joseph and the tribe of Benjamin. 

Benjamin was her (Rachel’s) first born son and his name meant “son of my sorrow” or Benoni, if I’m not mistaken.  You can check it out yourself.  She thought she was going to die giving birth, but then Rachel’s husband, Jacob, whose hip got thwarted by God for asking for a blessing, much like He did to me, held her hand, and he’s the one that changed his name.  So now his name is the “son of my right hand”.

I would like to extrapolate on these verses right now:  Exodus 15:6,12: Psalm. 110:1,5: Mt. 26:64; Mark. 14:62: Mark 14:62;16:19, Luke 20:42, 32:69, ACTS 2:13:33-34, 5:31 7:55:56, Romans 8:34, Ephesians 1:20, Colossians 3:1, Hebrews 1:3.

So Abram said to Lot, Let there be no strife, I beg of you, between you and me, or between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, for we are relatives.

Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself, I beg of you, from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if you choose the right hand, then I will go to the left.

10 And Lot looked and saw that everywhere the Jordan Valley was well watered. Before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, [it was all] like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, as you go to Zoar.

11 Then Lot chose for himself all the Jordan Valley and [he] traveled east. So they separated.

Genesis 13 – Interesting political commentary for America, as Americans we need to be Democrats, and not Republicans or else we’ll be like Lot, 😛  I think Bill Gates was like Abraham, very rich in livestock and gold, so now we know that he is a Democrat. 

Joseph Dreams of Greatness

37 Jacob settled in the land where his father had lived as an alien, the land of Canaan. This is the story of the family of Jacob.

Joseph, being seventeen years old, was shepherding the flock with his brothers; he was a helper to the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought a bad report of them to their father. Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his children, because he was the son of his old age; and he had made him a long robe with sleeves.[a] But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably to him.

Once Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream that I dreamed. There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright; then your sheaves gathered around it, and bowed down to my sheaf.” His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Are you indeed to have dominion over us?” So they hated him even more because of his dreams and his words.

He had another dream, and told it to his brothers, saying, “Look, I have had another dream: the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” 10 But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him, and said to him, “What kind of dream is this that you have had? Shall we indeed come, I and your mother and your brothers, and bow to the ground before you?” 11 So his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

Joseph Is Sold by His Brothers

12 Now his brothers went to pasture their father’s flock near Shechem. 13 And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers pasturing the flock at Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” He answered, “Here I am.” 14 So he said to him, “Go now, see if it is well with your brothers and with the flock; and bring word back to me.” So he sent him from the valley of Hebron.

He came to Shechem, 15 and a man found him wandering in the fields; the man asked him, “What are you seeking?” 16 “I am seeking my brothers,” he said; “tell me, please, where they are pasturing the flock.” 17 The man said, “They have gone away, for I heard them say, ‘Let us go to Dothan.’” So Joseph went after his brothers, and found them at Dothan. 18 They saw him from a distance, and before he came near to them, they conspired to kill him. 19 They said to one another, “Here comes this dreamer. 20 Come now, let us kill him and throw him into one of the pits; then we shall say that a wild animal has devoured him, and we shall see what will become of his dreams.” 21 But when Reuben heard it, he delivered him out of their hands, saying, “Let us not take his life.” 22 Reuben said to them, “Shed no blood; throw him into this pit here in the wilderness, but lay no hand on him”—that he might rescue him out of their hand and restore him to his father. 23 So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe, the long robe with sleeves[b] that he wore; 24 and they took him and threw him into a pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it.

25 Then they sat down to eat; and looking up they saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead, with their camels carrying gum, balm, and resin, on their way to carry it down to Egypt. 26 Then Judah said to his brothers, “What profit is it if we kill our brother and conceal his blood? 27 Come, let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and not lay our hands on him, for he is our brother, our own flesh.” And his brothers agreed. 28 When some Midianite traders passed by, they drew Joseph up, lifting him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver. And they took Joseph to Egypt.

29 When Reuben returned to the pit and saw that Joseph was not in the pit, he tore his clothes. 30 He returned to his brothers, and said, “The boy is gone; and I, where can I turn?” 31 Then they took Joseph’s robe, slaughtered a goat, and dipped the robe in the blood. 32 They had the long robe with sleeves[c] taken to their father, and they said, “This we have found; see now whether it is your son’s robe or not.” 33 He recognized it, and said, “It is my son’s robe! A wild animal has devoured him; Joseph is without doubt torn to pieces.” 34 Then Jacob tore his garments, and put sackcloth on his loins, and mourned for his son many days. 35 All his sons and all his daughters sought to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted, and said, “No, I shall go down to Sheol to my son, mourning.” Thus his father bewailed him. 36 Meanwhile the Midianites had sold him in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard.

Genesis 49:27 says -“Benjamin is a ravenous wolf; In the morning he shall devour the prey, And at night he shall divide the spoil.”

So about these two guys – Joseph and Benjamin, Joseph acts more like Benjamin in the Bible, and Benjamin acts more like Joseph.  Ultimately I have to choose.  Dr.  Ben would be optimal because he’s a doctor but I didn’t sense any equal affection for me unless he was playing hard to get.  and  Joseph is acting like a ravenous wolf sometimes, but I believe he’s my soulmate.  Dr. Ben is like the new wine, that doesn’t go into the old wineskins, So that means changes for me.  So I pray that the Lord lead me in the right (no pun intended) direction as I pray and seek His face. 

Be back later, signing off. 












When you have failed a test

This blog posting is kind of like a follow up to “When everything falls apart”, and “The Tests of Life”.  We know that when students go through tests at school.  Have you ever known you were going to have a quiz, but you didn’t have time to study for it?  You just go to sleep and hoping that everything comes by “osmosis” or something like that?  Well God tests and sometimes He chastens us too, and sometimes this test may be foretold in advance [i.e. Jesus wilderness, and the Israelite wilderness] We go through difficult things, and it is about our attitude primarily and what we do and say during these times of chastening and testing.  Sometimes we do not know what direction it is going to come, and we know that the enemy goes around like a roaring lion seeing who he can devour, but we also know God has His plan, which is different for testing.

Women, not intended to stereotype, in general tend to be more emotional and they tend to cry more and be more expressive in their emotions.  Sometimes we find women yelling, and getting angry too, but as believers it is hard to control these emotions without surrendering to the Holy Spirit.  But whether you are a woman or a man, you do get tested by the Lord, and even through the best of intentions you try to obtain a peaceful attitude through the Holy Spirit, but it is the times when you are spiritually undernourished that you go through certain things and you cannot seem to find your way out of the wilderness experience that you are in.  One thing to understand is that God is through His Holy Spirit giving you a slight nudge in what to do in the beginning, and if you don’t listen to that nudge, which is like Question No. 1, and then He gives you another nudge, but this time this one may be a little bit softer than the other nudge.  That is like Question No. 2.  Then by now if the principle of chastening, and disciplining has come into picture, there will you will start receiving a wrong answer mark or an “X” by your “Questions”, and that begins the consequences of sin.  The good thing about the “X” is that if you realize it soon enough you get it erased, and just for another opportunity to do the same question again.  But if you you continue to answer questions wrongly, then the “X”‘s get more and depending on how much you have prepared for the test, and how much you ask the Teacher to help you, you yourself will get up getting upset and failing.  The Good News is that you always have a do over, but you have to ask the Teacher to help you study and you have to ask for tutoring and to go in for “Office Hours”.  The Good News is that the Office Hours are 24/7.  This Teacher is Jesus and through the Holy Spirit He teaches you, but it will have to be at a time, when He is not grieved by you getting upset with Him for the difficult test.

The problem is that most times we don’t depend on the Teacher alone, but we depend on other people, and trying to please them, we try to please other people.   If Job actually listened to the advice of His friends, would He have been actually able to hear from God?  Maybe, because the Word does say, “God works out all things for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” But this was a test.  For Job, it was unexpected, but for some people, God may tell you, “Be watchful, lest you enter into temptation”, and if you don’t listen you are going to end up in trouble.

Part of the problem, is that we don’t have the wisdom our own to figure out the problem, so that’s why we are supposed to go to God, and you may just want someone to pray for you, and they go about giving their advice and telling you how to solve the problem.  Sometimes there are times where people have been thrown everything, which comes there way, and they think as Christians, “I should have been able to handle this better”, and that’s where pride comes in.  Because it is not us, but Christ who lives in us that equips us to handle problems, and because when we don’t listen to the small nudgings, we get overwhelmed, over stressed, and overburdened by our problems.

Hebrews 12, my favorite Chapter says –

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
For whom the Lord loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”

If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that wemay be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

12 Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.

So basically what it says here is that you have to endure the chastening, and some places says rejoice, because you are not illegitimate, and you are sons.  So basically when you have a pop-quiz/test like this, and you fail, realize that it’s ok because even though you will have to go through test again, you are building up your relationship with the Holy Spirit to the level of intimacy because in truth, we all fall down, and especially when you are pursuing the path of Holiness, there may be so many things that come against you, but if you trust in God, then there will be a peacable fruit of righteousness and to forgive yourself and to accept His grace, which calls us unto redemption.  We are not guided by our feelings, and we may have bad days, and areas of struggle, and areas of weakness, but God is equipping us, the one’s whom He loves to be a bride ready to be established for His Kingdom.

If you need to repent for failing a test here is a prayer for you:

Heavenly Father,

Please forgive me, I’ve run a muck today, and not listened to Your voice, and obeyed Your commands.  I acted impatiently, hastily, and not out of love, but I really need You to forgive me, and cleanse my heart with Your Blood and to give me a clean heart and a new heart and to pick up the pieces, dust them off, and continue to spin that Potter’s wheel.  I thank You that You are still with me, and that You are teaching me and training me to be a glorious vessel for Your Kingdom, and I abide in Your Truth and wisdom, to know that You are guiding my path.  Help me to be able to discern Your voice more clearly from now on, and to make wise decisions to pass the tests and to surrender my emotions to you, so that I can have the complete wholeness of Body, Mind, Spirit, that you have promised in Your Word.  Thank You Heavenly Father.

In Jesus Mighty Name I pray,


God is faithful to answer the prayers whatever they may be, if you continue to wait on Him.  He will always be with you.


Prayer for people with heart problems

Heavenly Father,

I pray for all the people that are plagued by sickness and disease.  Please remove the sickness from them and apply the blood of Jesus over their lives so that they may be healed and made whole.  Your word promises that we are healed by the stripes of Jesus.  For those suffering heart problems, let your miracle working power be in their lives and transform the damage that has been done and let them be free from any harmful medications LORD GOD.  Reach out Your merciful peaceful gentle kind hands and show pity and touch them and make them whole.  Let them know that they are not alone, and even though everything may be coming against them let them know that You have not forgotten them, and that they are on Your mind and heart even though everything in the world is getting ready for You to come.  Teach people the right way to eat and exercise and what nutrition that they need to receive, and allow them to learn how to take care of the temple, and do not chasten them quickly for disobedience in regards to eating.  Be gracious Lord and merciful, and show Your everlasting favor upon the people.  Clear their arteries and remove any inflammation in their bodies.  Give them their heart’s desire because Your Word says that those that delight in the Lord, will get the desires of their heart.

Thank You Lord for Your Awesome Mighty Miracle working hand!!!

In Jesus Mighty Name I pray,


Using Faith and God’s Word for Spiritual Warfare

Many of us struggle with diseases and we go to doctors.  The doctors give us medicine.  We spend time and money, and in the end we either can’t find an answer to what caused the problem, or we end up with a bunch of pills that give us so many side effects.  This has been a battle I have been fighting for quite a long time, but it wasn’t until I really got into God’s Word that I found out that the battle is the Lord’s and not ours and we just have to show up.

I want to share something that gave me a new revelation this time I read it.

Passage Mark 5:25-34:

25And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,   26And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,    27When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.    28For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.    29And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.     30And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?    31And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?    32And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.    33But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.    34And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague. (KJV)

In the Amplified it says for the verses emphasized:

26And who had endured much [a]suffering under [the hands of] many physicians and had spent all that she had, and was no better but instead grew worse.

34And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your [e]trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in [f](into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [[g]distressing bodily] disease.

Sometimes we go through all these things like going to the doctors, taking medications with harmful side effects, and not realizing that our healing was already given to us over 2000 years ago, and that it is satan’s plan and purpose to steal from us our faith that we are already healed.  What I realized was that I too have suffered somewhat at the hands of physicians many times in my life and not trusting in God for my healing.

I found a very good link that has been helping me since I found it:


There are a lot of verses in there and a lot of confessions in there for you to speak out loud to take claim over your healing and to have victory over satan.

Joyce Meyer has written a very good confession for us to speak out loud concerning our faith:

“Her faith made her whole, and my faith makes me whole.  I have faith, for I am a believer.  I believe I receive my healing, and my faith makes me whole.  I receive God’s power as mentioned in Ephesians 1:19.  The power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in me.  My faith puts that power into active operation in my body.  Disease has no choice.  There is no chance for its survival in my body.”

Passage Ephesians 1:19:
19And [so that you can know and understand] what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe, as demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength.

The devil is very smart and patient and he knows our weaknesses and what it will take for us to stop believing for our healing.  When you get closer to the Lord, don’t be surprised if you start to go through more trials and tribulations.  In fact I would venture to say that if you are not going through some kind of tribulation or trial, and life is so easy for you then maybe you need to examine if you are really walking with Christ.  Of course for a nonbeliever can go through trials and tribulations as well, and the enemy will use that himself  to draw you away from God.  The key is everywhere you look in the Bible it says “rejoice” along with suffering.

How do you rejoice when you are suffering?  The key is faith.  It is the faith to know that you will get through the battle and that it is only temporary or “for a season”.  How do you get faith – “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.”  Biblegateway has a link where you can listen to an audiobible to get to actually hear it.  There are even apps for that.  There are lots of youtube preachers and other people who have sermons you can listen to that go into God’s Word.  As I mentioned before Joyce Meyer is one of the ones I like, but she is just one of many.

We are fighters, and we are created to not just survive but to carry on to our children or to other generations the legacy we have in Christ.  The enemy knows that so he tries to steal that from us.  He is not against us, he is against God.  He wants us to separate from God by stealing our faith.  It only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains.


Mustard seeds are very small.  On the IFGF Church link there is a sermon about the three types of faith mentioned in the Bible: small faith, little faith, and great faith.

It doesn’t matter what type of faith we have, but once it becomes a seed and dies (not saying faith dies, but it is a parable used by Jesus about seeds), it will become a tree.  It also has to be built on good soil , which is the foundation for our Christian walk.

Faith and God’s Word go hand in hand.  We can have all the faith, but if we have faith in the wrong things it is not going to lead us anywhere, or it may lead is in the direction opposite of where we want to go.  God’s Word – Jesus Himself – shown through logos and rhema becomes zoe or life.  Jesus came so that we should live and not die, but the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy.

I want to mention something that I learned about Hindus.  They believed in the “god of death and destruction”.  If you think that God is responsible for death and destruction, then you obviously don’t know Jesus.  Again Jesus came so that you should live and not die.

In Genesis 3:5, satan played with Eve’s mind and said, “Surely, you will not die.  Eat it and you will become like God.”

5For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing the difference between good and evil and blessing and calamity.”

God had told them that they should not eat it or touch it – it was poison.  But satan tried to convince her that eating poison was good for you.  This still goes through today for those people who are trying to lose weight and there’s that chocolate cake sitting in front of them, or that slice of pizza.  We think it won’t hurt us, but when we eat it we gain the couple of extra pounds we didn’t want.

If God put a slice of pizza in the garden and said that Adam and Eve were not supposed to eat of it, don’t you think satan would have appealed to their senses and had the same effect?  He would have talked about the cheese, and the smell of the pizza.  He would have talked about how it is a good balance of carbs, vegetables, and protein.  Pizza is just an example, it could be anything that is a weakness.

So how do we fight satan?  Well one thing is the battle is in our minds.  It may start with the flesh, move to the heart, and then move to the mind, but often it goes the other way around.  So we have to be constantly renewing our minds with the Word of God so that we can constantly be growing and feeding ourselves with the truth.  We can learn to grow as warriors and to fight the battle set before us.  Everything that has been taught to you, and everything that has happened to you in your life has been done in order for you to prepare for this war.

So I encourage you if you’re feeling down and defeated, that you are not alone, and that this is a war, and we should rise up as eagles and with our rejoicing, praising, and faith we will find the victory.

Many people getting sick – an attack?

Sorry I have not written much this week, but I got this bad case of the stomach flu.  I am better now.  I notice that there are a lot of people getting sick lately.  We were talking about this in prayer meeting – one of the pastors felt completely drained, one of the members lost his appetite.  One of my fellow bloggers, got sick, and then another fellow blogger got sick, and apparently all are doing well now.  What was it this past couple of weeks that let so many people get sick?  We said that satan is scared at church and as soon as we came home and over 20 June bugs/ little locust looking like bugs – outside of our house keeping us from going in and I just thought there is definitely some spiritual battles going on right now.

What is the best way to equip yourself for battle – be armored with the Word of God.  That’s pretty much what I have been learning from the Holy Spirit when it comes to spiritual warfare and during my time of involuntary fasting.  I spent my time seeking as much from God and his Word as possible and I got many revelations, some of which I might share later.

Waiting on God is really important too.  That’s one of the areas I struggle with the most.

Psalm 25:5
Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You [You only and altogether] do I wait [expectantly] all the day long.

Psalm 62:1

FOR GOD alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.

Most people don’t have enough time to sit there and wait in the day, but for myself I have a lot of time, but I find all other ways to seek God instead of just waiting in silence.  Mornings are hard for me because I am so distracted with all the things I have to get done in the day.  So I choose night time.  The past few days I have actually been hearing from God, but being too tired to take notes.

I also stopped vegging out on the couch and watching television.  Now I spend most of the time on the computer finding sources God’s Truth from other resources.  Whereas before I would spend maybe a few hours of day hunting and gathering for spiritual food, now I spend at least 6 hours a day meditating on God’s Word by studying it, searching it, meditating only things that are noble, and praise worthy.  I used to be so obsessed with losing weight and I think I even wrote on here that I wanted to be free of not having to worry about counting calories, losing weight, and what to eat.  Then I had the attack, which was a blessing in disguise because it gave me the time to focus more on God and not on the things of this world.  I have gotten to a place where I like the way my body looks.  I happy just to be able to eat at all.

God is teaching me about faith because I went through a time period where all I saw was wickedness in myself and in God’s Word pointing to wickedness and I realized that was an accusation.  I know I am supposed to pursue holiness, but I also realize now that it is not going to happen overnight.  I started to listen to preachers who to talk plain sense meanings to the Bible and how to actually apply it in your life hoping that it will make a difference.

I need to go through my mind and unlearn all these things strongholds I have had since before I was a Christian and all these negative self-image issues.  The best way I can do that is by helping others.  In fact my sickness went away when I visited a friend of mine who has not been able to come to church because he cannot walk.

I was so blessed just to see him.  After I came home my sickness went away.

I also found out that laughter is a good medicine.  In Proverbs it says that laughter does your heart merry like a good medicine.  I heard a story of a woman I think she was on Oprah, who was diagnosed by the doctor as having cancer and he started talking about chemo, and before he started talking she left and she went to Blockbuster and started renting all these comedies.  She would laugh when she was watching these comedies.  Three months later she went back to the doctor and he said she had no more cancer.   I was then motivated to find things that would encourage my faith and to make me laugh.

I hope this has been a blessing to you.  Sorry so short.

Singing in the Valley

I haven’t posted in a while because I have been going through some things.  Some of which may be called a “valley” in my life.  It wasn’t until I heard Joyce Meyer mentioned “singing in the valley” that God revealed to me what to write about.  People go through things in life.  They go through things – ups and downs – physical sicknesses (even though Jesus has already paid the price for them), financial troubles, and just any kind of thing you can think of that the enemy tries to throw at you.  It’s through this time that we must learn to trust and praise God through the valley.  I admit I have been neglecting my “singing” and that’s just the strategy the enemy is trying to use.  He doesn’t want you to praise God in your troubles.  He wants to steal your praise.  He wants to steal your joy too and he wants to steal your praise if that succeeds.  The more he succeeds the more he will try until he’s got you so wrapped around your own suffering and throwing yourself a pity party consumed with grief, that you can’t open your mouth to praise Him [Jesus].

1) Praise is a an act of faith – Praise is one of the many ways that you can express your faith.  It’s easy to sit in church and listen to worship music, sing and dance, and praise.  But when you haven’t been able to keep down anything you’ve eaten or even when you try to pray and fight you are crying so much that you can’t fight anymore or when you are so deep in debt that it would be better for you to go into slavery then to pay off your debt, that’s when it is hard to praise God.  You try so many things to be a “good Christian”, but then you realize that your faith has been stolen so that’s when you must praise.

2) Praise is an attitude – It’s not just about “singing” – It’s a lifestyle choice.  Imagine if you were around a person that had one bad thing after another happen to them and you never saw the smile leave their face.  They smiled when good things were happening and they smiled when bad things were happening, and it wasn’t just their smiling, but it was their whole attitude that was kind, nice, caring, loving, and nurturing, but still human at the same time.  You would think what kind of character does this person have that makes them never complain or murmur or enter into self-pity like that?  I’m not saying that such a person exists , except for maybe David in the Bible or even Joel Osteen (I know some Christians don’t like him and some love him), but wouldn’t it be a great attitude to have where you are constantly praising God for all that has happened-  to know that whatever you’re going through you’re going to get out of it.

3) Praise can deliver you – When Paul was praising in prison there was an earthquake and then all the prison gates opened and they were let out [ACTS 16:25] – Even in your darkest bondage if you lift your hearts to praise Him, then you can be set free.  Whatever you’re going through God can deliver you out of the darkest bondage.  He can create miracles through praise to get out of that bondage.


4) Praise when others around you are not praising – You’re fellow co-worker might be talking bad about the boss or about the work situation you can praise God that you have a job.  When your sister is having a bad day and she snaps at you you can praise God that you have a family that loves you and that you are not an orphan.  It’s so easy to praise when everyone around you is cheerful and happy all the time, but how often does that happen?

5) Praise while serving –  Whether you’re washing the dishes, taking out the trash, cooking, or whatever it is that you do to serve you can lift your hearts with praise.  I must admit that this is the hardest thing for me to do.  God does not call you to serve grudgingly or as an obligation, but with a heart of praise.  Often I find myself so agitated I tend to snap at someone or get really stressed out when doing these things, and it’s only afterward that I realize that I should do it with a heart of praise.  So what I do is turn on the Christian radio station and fill my heart with peace and praise so that I can serve with a heart full of praise.  This one is hard for my family members as well.  I think praise while serving changes the whole attitude about serving and can create peace in the atmosphere.

6) Praise God during all the little things – Whether you’re trying to find a piece of food in the way back part of the fridge so that you have to go and take everything out and put everything back in to find it.  Or you’re trying to put the carton of apple juice back in the fridge while there’s no more room left in the fridge.  Or even if it’s making it through the light without getting into an accident.  It doesn’t matter what little things that you do or that happen to you, you can praise God in spite of them or even through them because then you’ll end up being able to praise God through all the big things that happen in your life – like the bondages or things you need to be delivered from.

7) Praise changes your perspective  – You may be looking at your situation from only your viewpoint and not seeing God’s viewpoint, and when you praise the whole situation gets turned around.  Perspective in art and geography can mean two dimensional or three dimensional.  When you put on 3D glasses to watch a movie you feel the realness of it.  You don’t feel like it’s a flat screen and that you can’t really be a part of it.  With 3D it makes the picture pop out for you and it can make it really exciting and personal.  God is multidimensional so when you praise God even when you are going through a valley you can see that there is a mountain at the top and God can move that mountain and make your pathways straight so that you are not in a valley but then you are in a level playing field.


One of the songs about Praise I like is “God is good all the time.” :

God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/don_moen/god_is_good_all_the_time.html ]
If you’re walking through the valley
And there are shadows all around
Do not fear, He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
‘Cause He’s promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you and His Word is true


We were sinners – so unworthy
Still for us He chose to die
Filled us with His Holy Spirit
Now we can stand and testify
That His love is everlasting
And His mercies – they will never end


Lord I may not understand
All the plans He left for me
My life is in your hands
And through the eyes of Him I can clearly see


More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/don_moen/#share


I may not be perfect and I may struggle as we all do, but I know that I have a God who is worthy of praise so through this valley if I go and praise Him then He can move this mountain in my life.



Learning that God loves you despite what you weigh

You know the post I posted last time where I was talking about talking to my “friend” that was bipolar?  Well that was actually me.  I wanted to have a little more anonymity before revealing that about myself.  Because of having bipolar disorder I have had also had to experience the downfalls of being on medication that makes me gain weight.

I think I was normal weight in Elementary school, but I had to deal with people calling me ugly, and they are even now some of my facebook friends.  I have forgiven them all, but those seeds had their way in shaping my mind.  I was a little bit more developed than other girls my age when I was in 5th grade, but I wasn’t overweight.  I had some self-image and self-esteem issues.  I also did not know how much Jesus was rejected for me and that He loves me and that He died for me.

Then in Middle School I started thinking I was fat because I couldn’t find clothes that fit me in the store, and I wasn’t as physically fit as the other girls in my school.  I couldn’t do as many crunches; I couldn’t run as fast or as long, (probably because of my flat feet), and I couldn’t play the sports as well as everybody else.  It was about that time that I started becoming a vegetarian, even though I am not one anymore.  I never knew how to eat healthy, and I didn’t like my family’s cooking.  I wanted to eat American.  So while I was in 7th grade I ate an apple everyday for lunch and that’s it and I would be able to fit into those size 10 jeans.  Size 10 was super small for me, and I was pretty thin at that size.  In 8th grade I was still pretty thin, but because my stomach was not super flat and because I had a little bit of a pouch of a stomach I still thought I was fat.

In high school, I had to deal with so many physical issues including two bouts of Gastroentiritis, and bipolar disorder that I wasn’t primarily concerned with my weight.  I had so many things going on, and I always HATED P.E. It felt like torture.  I was probably a little overweight, but I was way out of my league compared to everyone else.  While I was in my last year of high school I started to put on weight (balloned up to 185) and I didn’t even realize why- my bipolar med.  I joined Jenny Craig and lost like 25 pounds.  Then I lost like 35 more doing the treadmill until I went down to 125 and was able to fit into my size 10 Jeans. Then I went manic like crazy.  Long story.

It wasn’t until after 1999 that my weight started to come back again.  My face became rounder.  It happened all of a sudden.  It was about the time that I started an atypical antipsychotic.  That medicine gave me Diabetes within two years.  I am not exactly sure how much I weighed in 2001 [my salvation year], but at that time I started to eat meat because I found out that because I couldn’t eat as many carbs, and because of the thyroid condition I had I was very limited on what I could eat so I chose to start eating meat.  For a long time I was denial about diabetes and addicted to carbs and sweet food.  But I think part of the problem was that I was on a Dopamine and Serotonin uptake inhibitor so my brain wasn’t sending my the right signals telling me I was full.  The other part was me.  I was trying to fill a void that I could only fill with a relationship to Jesus, but since I wasn’t part of a church I wasn’t getting the spiritual food I needed so I turned to physical food.  I was part of a sorority and Bible Studies that had some love and truth, but I hadn’t sunken into the meat of the gospel and started going to the Word myself.  But that turning to food for comfort and seeking after love from my earthly father started a vicious cycle of trying to lose weight and gaining weight and back and forth to this day.  In the middle of it all I had a coma.  No one really knows why. I suspect it was the chastening of the Lord. It just happened and resulted in my kidneys shutting down and a treatment of dialysis while I was unconscious.  It was after that I had to learn the hard way to get closer to God and to change the way I thought about food.

Before I get into my whole life story here – I want to mention that it has been really hard for me lately while I have been going up and down in my weight – I eat healthy 90% of the time, but when I don’t have time to plan, or when I am bored and because I don’t really sit and have meals with my mom, dad, and sister, I end up getting into vicious cycles of eating too much food because I am trying to fill a void and trying to submit to the flesh and instead of to the Spirit.  But it is a hard battle the people that are obese have to go through.  For me the hardest thing is when I get over 200 pounds I start having problems walking.  Being able to know the difference between actually eating for hunger, and eating for something else, takes a lot of wisdom.  At times I feel like I am fighting very hard and not seeing results so then I have to have faith to see beyond my circumstances, and because James says, “Faith without works is dead,” I have to go through the effort of planning my meals, and going to the gym, and doing cardio at home to get the desired results.  All the time I want to forget about all this.  I want to not have to think about it anymore.  I want to not have to think that I have to take bipolar meds, and that I don’t look like the way I look when I am at a certain weight and that I have a hard time walking if I get beyond a certain also associated with other health risks.  I am really trying just to make it to 195.  Every time I try to lose weight and commit to something it falls short and  I pray about it.  Maybe I don’t spend enough time in prayer, but most of my day is spent cooking, eating, and vegging out in front of the tv and eating.  I can’t play any sports or have no coordination to dance.  Those are the days that I really feel down like today and I sometimes think about the verse – Luke 12:24

“24Observe and consider the ravens; for they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn; and [yet] God feeds them. Of how much more worth are you than the birds!

It also talks about not to worry about anything in that passage.  So here I am fretting about how much I want to lose weight and what I am going to eat that God says not to worry!  So then that makes me want to give up on my meal planning and calorie counting and just keep my eyes on Jesus like Peter did.  Oh, how I desire to be able to not to live in a body where I had to struggle like this.  So then I ask God sometimes, “Why?”  And here’s what He says, “I created you this way so that you would come running to me with your problems and seek after me.”  I also read that in a book somewhere.  I know that I am a glutton and unworthy of His love and what He did for me, but I am so glad that He accepts me flaws and failures and wants to put His circling arms around me.  With this I know that God loves me despite what I weigh and because of that I can love myself.