Tag Archive | weight loss

I am back – weight loss

Hey guys I’m back, finally got my password straightened.  Well my nails are orange glitter in one hand and purple nail polish.

I also weigh 116 lb.  I have a food review:


I HOP near Hobby Lobby in Houston, TX.


Pumpkin cheesecake pancakes – it melted in my mouth.


Get it while you can.

The Pearl and The Butterfly

God has created so many beautiful things on this Earth as an example and representation to show meaning and purpose to our lives. John 1:3 says, “3All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being.”  Genesis 1:31 “31And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good (suitable, pleasant) and He approved it completely.”  Although some things were corrupted through man’s sins, God still has some examples for us to use in creation that we can take away from.

Did you know that when a piece of sand is in an oyster it goes through a lot of pressure, refining, and weathering to make it come out shining like a beautiful pearl?  Our lives are the same way.  We go through many trials, ups and downs, tribulations, testings and weatherings, and we don’t realize the purpose until much later that God was trying to make a pearl out of us.  We are all each exotic pieces to a beautiful necklace.

God thinks we’re beautiful and He wants to form us into the creation that He sees in us.   So He might use different circumstances and different people and different situations to make us really question things in life, but God has a purpose.  He is shaping you to be a beautiful pearl.  When you become a pearl then you may develop some wisdom in this area and are able to share your “Pearls of wisdom” with other people and then you can be a blessing to others.  I truly believe that behind every pain and struggle that the enemy puts into our lives, God has allowed it to create beauty out of our lives and to shape us to fulfill our destiny.  God will give you back what satan has stolen sevenfold, just like it says in the Book of Job.

Another example God has given is the butterfly.  It starts out as this slimy, icky looking, sluggish, caterpillar, who on it’s own is just an infant, but to reach it’s maturity it is in a cocoon.  It stays there for awhile and it builds up strength.  What it’s doing on the inside no one can see.  But it is developing muscles and it is transforming itself so it can be a whole new creature.  It will expand and develop wings.  FYI:  Did you know that some butterflies actually have alphabetic letters on their wings?  I’ve seen them in Hebrew and in English, but I was told there are many other languages.  Butterflies are beautiful creatures and people love to marvel at their beauty and spectactularity (maybe not even a word) but I like to use it here.  The Houston Museum of Natural Science used to have (or maybe still does) an exhibit to look at butterflies.   But the amazing thing about them is that they come from something that was nothing like their former selves.  They used to be not able to fly and now they can fly.  They used to be primarily greenish or grayish or dull colored and depending on the type of butterfly it is now a new creation.

That is the way we become when we have accepted Christ.  We become new creations.  Gone are our old selves and we become new creatures.  Do you know why?  Not because we are not the same person in body and in mind, but we are a new person in spirit.  We have taken on the Holy Spirit of Christ.  We are no longer bound to our sins and Christ has cleansed us from our sins so we become new creations.

The butterfly analogy can be used to also describe a period of transition in our lives, when we seem to be stuck in one place, just like the pearl.  We don’t seem to be moving anywhere or doing anything or we don’t think anything good is happening in our lives, but God is working behind the scenes.  He is creating something in us to prepare us to be His bride.  His bride is the most beautiful creation in the world to the Lord and He loves His bride.  The Father God created the perfect bride for His Son.  She would have perfect eyes, perfect ears, perfect smile, perfect mind, and be perfect and beautiful in all ways just the way Christ is.

So some people don’t feel that perfect or beautiful right now and that’s ok because we don’t need plastic surgery because even Christ Himself was not handsome or attractive or anything to be looked at on this Earth, as it says in Isaiah 52.  But we know that in His redeemed body He was glorified and beautiful.  The same way we are going to be glorified and beautiful creatures with resurrected bodies.  But even in our spirits right now we are being shaped in Christlikeness so  we can become more and more like Christ developing in His character and His attitude so we can treat all things the way He treated them and so we can know Him who created us.  So if you feel like your in a cocoon right now, it’s ok – You will lose those pounds, You will get that job, You will write those books, and You will turn out and continue to become something that you never thought possible.  If you feel hurt by wounds of what other people said, or angry or depressed it’s ok because as long as you trust in God and realize that God is using you to shape you into a beautiful pearl or a beautiful butterfly.  Like the potter who makes the clay, He is the great Creator and He will shape you into being His perfection as you go through these things so you once you are free and can fly as a butterfly or can shine like a pearl you can be a blessing to others.

Learning that God loves you despite what you weigh

You know the post I posted last time where I was talking about talking to my “friend” that was bipolar?  Well that was actually me.  I wanted to have a little more anonymity before revealing that about myself.  Because of having bipolar disorder I have had also had to experience the downfalls of being on medication that makes me gain weight.

I think I was normal weight in Elementary school, but I had to deal with people calling me ugly, and they are even now some of my facebook friends.  I have forgiven them all, but those seeds had their way in shaping my mind.  I was a little bit more developed than other girls my age when I was in 5th grade, but I wasn’t overweight.  I had some self-image and self-esteem issues.  I also did not know how much Jesus was rejected for me and that He loves me and that He died for me.

Then in Middle School I started thinking I was fat because I couldn’t find clothes that fit me in the store, and I wasn’t as physically fit as the other girls in my school.  I couldn’t do as many crunches; I couldn’t run as fast or as long, (probably because of my flat feet), and I couldn’t play the sports as well as everybody else.  It was about that time that I started becoming a vegetarian, even though I am not one anymore.  I never knew how to eat healthy, and I didn’t like my family’s cooking.  I wanted to eat American.  So while I was in 7th grade I ate an apple everyday for lunch and that’s it and I would be able to fit into those size 10 jeans.  Size 10 was super small for me, and I was pretty thin at that size.  In 8th grade I was still pretty thin, but because my stomach was not super flat and because I had a little bit of a pouch of a stomach I still thought I was fat.

In high school, I had to deal with so many physical issues including two bouts of Gastroentiritis, and bipolar disorder that I wasn’t primarily concerned with my weight.  I had so many things going on, and I always HATED P.E. It felt like torture.  I was probably a little overweight, but I was way out of my league compared to everyone else.  While I was in my last year of high school I started to put on weight (balloned up to 185) and I didn’t even realize why- my bipolar med.  I joined Jenny Craig and lost like 25 pounds.  Then I lost like 35 more doing the treadmill until I went down to 125 and was able to fit into my size 10 Jeans. Then I went manic like crazy.  Long story.

It wasn’t until after 1999 that my weight started to come back again.  My face became rounder.  It happened all of a sudden.  It was about the time that I started an atypical antipsychotic.  That medicine gave me Diabetes within two years.  I am not exactly sure how much I weighed in 2001 [my salvation year], but at that time I started to eat meat because I found out that because I couldn’t eat as many carbs, and because of the thyroid condition I had I was very limited on what I could eat so I chose to start eating meat.  For a long time I was denial about diabetes and addicted to carbs and sweet food.  But I think part of the problem was that I was on a Dopamine and Serotonin uptake inhibitor so my brain wasn’t sending my the right signals telling me I was full.  The other part was me.  I was trying to fill a void that I could only fill with a relationship to Jesus, but since I wasn’t part of a church I wasn’t getting the spiritual food I needed so I turned to physical food.  I was part of a sorority and Bible Studies that had some love and truth, but I hadn’t sunken into the meat of the gospel and started going to the Word myself.  But that turning to food for comfort and seeking after love from my earthly father started a vicious cycle of trying to lose weight and gaining weight and back and forth to this day.  In the middle of it all I had a coma.  No one really knows why. I suspect it was the chastening of the Lord. It just happened and resulted in my kidneys shutting down and a treatment of dialysis while I was unconscious.  It was after that I had to learn the hard way to get closer to God and to change the way I thought about food.

Before I get into my whole life story here – I want to mention that it has been really hard for me lately while I have been going up and down in my weight – I eat healthy 90% of the time, but when I don’t have time to plan, or when I am bored and because I don’t really sit and have meals with my mom, dad, and sister, I end up getting into vicious cycles of eating too much food because I am trying to fill a void and trying to submit to the flesh and instead of to the Spirit.  But it is a hard battle the people that are obese have to go through.  For me the hardest thing is when I get over 200 pounds I start having problems walking.  Being able to know the difference between actually eating for hunger, and eating for something else, takes a lot of wisdom.  At times I feel like I am fighting very hard and not seeing results so then I have to have faith to see beyond my circumstances, and because James says, “Faith without works is dead,” I have to go through the effort of planning my meals, and going to the gym, and doing cardio at home to get the desired results.  All the time I want to forget about all this.  I want to not have to think about it anymore.  I want to not have to think that I have to take bipolar meds, and that I don’t look like the way I look when I am at a certain weight and that I have a hard time walking if I get beyond a certain also associated with other health risks.  I am really trying just to make it to 195.  Every time I try to lose weight and commit to something it falls short and  I pray about it.  Maybe I don’t spend enough time in prayer, but most of my day is spent cooking, eating, and vegging out in front of the tv and eating.  I can’t play any sports or have no coordination to dance.  Those are the days that I really feel down like today and I sometimes think about the verse – Luke 12:24

“24Observe and consider the ravens; for they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn; and [yet] God feeds them. Of how much more worth are you than the birds!

It also talks about not to worry about anything in that passage.  So here I am fretting about how much I want to lose weight and what I am going to eat that God says not to worry!  So then that makes me want to give up on my meal planning and calorie counting and just keep my eyes on Jesus like Peter did.  Oh, how I desire to be able to not to live in a body where I had to struggle like this.  So then I ask God sometimes, “Why?”  And here’s what He says, “I created you this way so that you would come running to me with your problems and seek after me.”  I also read that in a book somewhere.  I know that I am a glutton and unworthy of His love and what He did for me, but I am so glad that He accepts me flaws and failures and wants to put His circling arms around me.  With this I know that God loves me despite what I weigh and because of that I can love myself.

Another blow in the face/Remember Hebrews 12!!!

Well it’s 2 am Sunday night, and I think this time I’ll actually apply Hebrews 12 (endurance) when it comes to going to sleep.  But I didn’t follow that lesson today.  For the past few days God has really called me to Hebrews 12, which talks about endurance.  When I was doing the exercise on Friday I was ignoring it, and I don’t remember when else this week, [oh, yeah, it was making the ground turkey, which took me 1 and a half  hours] but I just kept coming back to that verse over and over again.

Today my dad was going to a funeral and he said somebody might be coming over on Monday (I don’t consider the day changing until the next day until after 6 am), and I knew I had so many things to do.  I have been really struggling with planning and cooking my meals so that the nutrition helps me lose weight and I spent all my energy doing that along with chores like cleaning the house, when the Word says, to “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and all will be added unto you.” [Matthew 6:33]  I realized that I was becoming a Martha (caught up with daily tasks) instead of a Mary (concerned about being around the people). [Luke 10:40]

I don’t know what time it was in the evening probably around 7pm and I felt so tensed, stressed out that I couldn’t physically move and I was lying down.  I didn’t know what to do.  I tried to pray, I couldn’t pray.  I just couldn’t fight any more and that’s when I forgot Hebrews 12.  So after a short pep talk with my pastor, I was like, “Oh, yah, duh, Hebrews 12 (Endurance/Discipline).  “You have not endured to the point of death like Jesus had.”  [v.1-4] “For the time being no discipline brings joy, but is grievous and painful. (but yields righteousness if endured)”. [v. 11]  My pastor said that the enemy knows our weaknesses, and if I try to give up and not fight or endure now, then what happens when things get really bad during the last days?  Will I be able to endure?  I also have the Holy Spirit inside me and that gives me strength.  That’s what I got from our short conversation.  I was also saying something about the atmosphere and I felt like there was something surrounding me that was making my tension worse, but that was just an excuse.

So I got up turned on the Christian Radio station that plays mostly hymns and I let it work through if that was the atmosphere.  Now I had some work on me to do.  I figured to start out small.  I  started by cleaning out a few sections of the bookshelf and making more space so at least I didn’t feel like my house looked hoarders.  I read parts of a book that had some useful tips on things I could include on my meal plans.  Also I got a brilliant idea, which came from God, that I should probably go and make my Turkey Burgers then, and make my Ground Turkey at the same time.

That was a stroke of genius that I have to thank God for.  So I did those things without too much stress, but my feet were tired.  I was happy that I was done, and I wouldn’t have to worry about that on Monday.  Then I could focus on more important things (by then I found out that no one was coming over) such as making a meal plan on Monday, getting a couple of things from the store on Monday and just taking more time to seek Him.

They sang my favorite worship song today “The More I Seek You.” at church.  Now it comes into perspective.  One thing that I am afraid of and worried about God forgive me, is the change of church to Saturday.  I know it has it’s shares of adjustments, which I am not going to go through now, but somehow I know it will work out.

I also learned that knowledge of the Word is not enough if it doesn’t not change your character.  It has to make you more consecrated and holy.  You should experience peace and joy through the day and you should be a pleasant person to be around and the light within your family and/or community.  I am asking God to help me calm down and experience the Living Word in my Life [In Jesus Mighty Name I pray]

After all I do have the Holy Spirit within me.  Shouldn’t I be reflecting it’s character?  Shouldn’t I be seeing fruits?  If not then I know there’s some things wrong that I need to change.  I know there are so many things I could be doing to be a better example of the presence of the Lord working in my life, but the Lord told me I need to take one day at a time because I have been trying to plan the whole world and it is just not within my capacity because I am simply human.  But it is the Holy Spirit who gives me the strength to go on and endure.  So I come humbly before Him to ask Him to make real to me, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.  Philippians 4:12 In Jesus mighty name I pray, {Amen}

Hebrews 12 and Discipline/Endurance

Today I am going to talk about one verse, which I wish had come to remembrance today when I was trying to do my endurance cardio workout.  I got on the bike frustrated that I had to do 45 minutes on the bike like my trainer had told me to do at home.  Since my regular 700 Club, didn’t record, I didn’t have a valid distraction.  I thought I had been going for a while, and then I looked at the clock on the bike, and it said 3:50 meaning that I had [only] gone 3 minutes and 50 seconds so then I started to get really emotional and crying because my head hurt, my back hurt and my leg hurt before I had even gone on the bike and I didn’t know how I was going to endure the remaining time and I wanted to give up, but my trainer told me this is what she wanted me to do and it would benefit me the most.  I wanted to do the easy 30 minute high intensity interval training, but this is not what I was supposed to do.  So then my sister talked me through this time and I had forgotten everything I had written about in the previous post about endurance from Hebrews 12:1-3 – you can go back to that.  It’s one thing to have knowledge of God’s Word, but to go and actually apply it in your life is a whole other ball game.  So after I was done without my workout I went back to look at Hebrews 12, and I found this –

11For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness–in conformity to God’s will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God]. (Amplified)

There were two things that my sister talked about and she never reads the Bible, that discipline (in regards to a grueling endurance cardio workout) is all about enduring through the tough things and motivating yourself to go on and pushing on despite all the pain.  Sure there are times when you feel like dying, but then you make yourself go through it and in the long run it will bring you to a place where you can be mentally strong and not just physically strong -[and even though she didn’t say this – it also makes you spiritually strong.]

What I now realize and hope I can remember the next time I have to workout, is that it will have a peaceable fruit, after having going through grueling and painful discipline.  I’m not sure if in this context the writer of Hebrews was talking about chastisement of the Lord, which is kind of like a spanking, but the same principle can be applied to the discipline it takes to go through any kind of training.  So my sister and I talked about “The Biggest Loser” again and now I recall that it is the type of discipline for training that you have to go through when you want to reach a goal.  The Navy Seals have to go through an intense version of this not to mention the whole military.

For myself I want to reach a goal of a healthy weight and a slim physique, but I also want also to mentally ready to be able to fight the enemy in any situation.  Often we let ourselves fall victim, and that is what I did today.  My mom called me a baby because I was crying, but actually it is true, when you take on that victim mentality it means that you are not more than a conqueror and that you believe that you are not strong enough to do what you need to do as much as you don’t like to do it.  In fact the more you don’t want to do something is probably the reason why it is the more you should do it.  I’m preaching to myself here.

The greatest test of faith is when you have to endure through discipline and training when you are by yourself.  When you are by yourself you will have no one to depend on except for yourself and the Holy Spirit.  There is something to be said for the people that are non-believers that can rely on the strength of will to get through difficult training and disciplining without realizing God is there and helping.  If you can depend on God when there’s absolutely nothing else and no one else to depend on that it will make you that much stronger and it will build your character so you can be a blessing to others during difficult times.  Just look at Jesus – He actually died on the cross and He had no one standing up for Him – Some of us think we are going to actually die at the thought of doing exercise and giving up chocolate, pizza, and soda – not that I eat that – but it is actually makes you stronger.  They say that “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  So exercise for most people won’t kill them, but having a victim mentality will.  The Bible says that “whoever endures until the end will be saved” (don’t know which verse).

For most if not all of my life I have been surrounded by people, and when I was not I became very depressed.  But I found that even in times when you are surrounded with a lot of people you can still feel alone unless you realize that the Lord is with you and has not forsaken you – (also from Hebrews) 13:5. So now I am constantly surrounded with at least one person and I have learned to cherish that time alone, but for some reason that principle didn’t apply to me when I was working out today.

I guess the Word that God has for me to share is that whenever you feel like you are about die because you cannot go through something and that you don’t have the strength to make it and you feel like you are in hell, just remember that it will be worth it because painful and grievous discipline brings about peaceable fruits.  Just like having a baby, I guess!!

Hebrews 12 and Endurance

Today I was watching “The Biggest Loser”, which is a show I watch every week where people train arduously to lose weight in a short period of time.  I have my own struggles with weight loss and am part of a gym right now.  My trainer just told me to do exercises at home and spend 45 minutes on the bike and she said it would build up endurance.  So I guess my word for the day is “endurance”.

I have completed a Bible Study at the church on Hebrews and it didn’t really sink in until I was reading Hebrews 12 today and the Word just sort of leaped out at me.  This is what I read –

Hebrews 12

1THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,

    2Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.(A)

    3Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds.

I think the first thing that struck me was “patient endurance and steady and active persistence”.  That is what it takes to train for something and to exercise and to lose weight and so many other things which require endurance and persistence.  Ideally we would like to be this way in all areas, and God has given us the ability to do so, but He knows that we cannot handle doing more than a few things at a time so He gives us what we can handle.  Navy Seals train with patient endurance and steady and active persistence, but they go to the extreme.  People on “The Biggest Loser” [and so do/should other people who like to lose weight] train with patient endurance and steady and active persistence.  Any athlete has to go through training and any competitor has to go through training.

Another thing that struck me was – Looking away from all that will distract to Jesus – Wow, I really had to repent for that one.  Isn’t watching The Biggest Loser a distraction?  Also yesterday, I was so focused on the news that I forgot to make my turkey, I forgot to put my laundry in the dryer until late.  Even with our goal we have to seek Jesus first.  My dad who is not a believer said, if you take away one hour away from God to focus on exercise, I think God will understand.  I know that God will understand, but what am I making more time in my life for is it 1)Sleep 2)TV/Entertainment 3)Diet/Nutrition/Exercise 4)God/Bible/Worship/Devotion/Prayer?  It is also important to have godly wisdom, and godly counsel because you could have your personal trainer telling you your health is your main thing, and your flesh telling you that Sleep and TV are the most important things, but the last thing you want to do in the day is to spend time in God’s presence when it will actually give you the most benefit.  It can all be confusing so it is very important to listen to God and to hear what He says, and the best way to do that is to meditate on His word, and like a member of our church once preached, “Don’t become constipated with it.” You have to share what you have learned.  The best way is to teach somebody.

The third thing that struck me was how Jesus bore bitter hostility and was brutally treated and agonized for sin so much so that he poured out blood for us [v.4]  and we are to reckon up and consider it all in comparison with our trials], so that we may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in our minds.  

Sometimes when I am exercising, especially when I am exercising, I grow weary, or exhausted, losing heart and feeling like fainting some times, so I just call upon God to give me the strength.  Sometimes I even feel like throwing up when I am on the bike, and it’s been only an hour after eating, and I just don’t want to do it.  I feel like, I am so tired, I am so exhausted, and then when I weigh myself I lose heart and just feel like quitting.  And if I do decide to quit, guess what – comes the next part later in the chapter, the chastening where I have ankle pain, plantar fasciitis, difficulty walking, all because I chose to give up or not tarry a little longer in my endurance and training to the point where I have to endure through the hard times.

God has a destiny for all of us – to make us to continue to push through and to brave all circumstances, and to carry out whatever mission that God has in store for us.  The problem is that, many of us, including myself, have become complacent as a whole.  The Church has become complacent.  The whole purpose of shows like “The Biggest Loser” is not just for people to lose weight or to get money, it is to show that when we get out of our comfort zone, which I also saw in “The Voice” today, things start to happen.  Commitment, Discipline, Endurance, Patience, and Love are all good qualities to have, but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have the love of the Lord in your life.

I am probably going to write more about Hebrews 12 because I was really touched by this, but if I do I will probably be up another 4 hours so I’ll probably stop at 1066 words right now.

[Verses taken from Amplified]- I’ll probably have to stop using that one once I reach 500.